House Decoded
Greetings, class!
Today we will discuss real estate ads.
Let’s look at some actual advertisements for houses in Lexington, Massachusetts, that I found in the Boston Globe today.
1. Adorable, priced to sell! 2 BR Ranch w/newer kit, hw fls, nr golf, trails.
Translation: This house is S-M-all, and the people in it now are dying to get out. The kitchen is the only room without mirror wallpaper, and from your bedroom, you can hear people walking by on the trails or clunking golf balls.
2. A Pleasant Surprise From The Ordinaty! Open The Door To This Charming & Cherished Home W/New Kitchen, Vaulted Ceilings & Views Of The Daisy Wilson Meadowland.
Translation: This house looks like ass from the outside. There is duck poop in the backyard. The owners have never maintained or updated anything in the house, and there are koala bear murals painted by the wife in the hallways. Also, I cannot spell.
3. Unsual Lexington Center Opportunity Awaits Your Special Touches! The Flexible Floor Plan On Three Levels Features 12 Rooms, 5 Bedrooms, 2 Baths. Note: Original Kitchen Has Been Removed.
Translation: This house has no kitchen. HAHAHAHHAHA, isn’t that a riot? Also, I can spell, but I deliberately chose to leave out the 2nd “u” in “unusual.” I saved 15 cents!
4. Rare oppty to own an 1890s carriage house in Lex Ctr! 12 rms, 5BRs, 2BAs, classic details. Diamond in the rough.
Translation: Hello, builders? Come knock down this “house” and put up a brand spanking new box that you can re-sell for $500,000 more!
5. Fabulous New Suprising Contemp W/Sophisticated Archt Design. Intnatnl Style W/Top Quality. Exquisite Kit, Baths, Custom Millwork, Virtual Glass Walls, Skylights, 20′ Clerestory, & Decks. Easy Commute To Harvard Sq. 5 Fields Area. Stunning.
Translation: So sorry, you cannot afford this house. Why are you even reading my ad?
That concludes today’s lesson. Tune in next week for a discussion on what “cozy,” “homey,” and “ready for your personal touches” really mean.
Posted by: ssjane | February 19, 2004 | 12:51 pm
Posted in: Bits