Chris emailed:
The SUV Hybrid gets 34 highway, 24 city for milage… looks like a decent option for when I go hybrid…
I emailed back:
not bad but i don’t know if you need an suv?
He emailed:
I need 4WD for winter… you find me a 4WD that isn’t an SUV and I’ll take it…
By now I was home, so I switched to Instant Messenger:
dude! i drive my car in winter and it’s fine…you can drive a non-suv too…
I continued:
you don’t need an suv just for winter. tons of people live here and don’t have suvs
He said:
I WANT 4WD!!!!
and then:
I will not have a car without it… tough nuggies
My response:
noogies, sir, it is noogies!
and never a verbal word was spoken.
by Anonymous and Imogen Edwards-Jones
ONE LINE SUMMARY: Anonymous, the manager of a five-star hotel, takes us behind the scenes of a luxury hotel in London.
This book is marketed and catalogued as non-fiction, but at about a page into this, I had to flip back to the spine to double-check that it did indeed have a non-fiction call number from the library. This book is written as an imaginary 24 hours in the life of a reservations clerk, and is supposedly based on actual events but fictionalized staff.
I would have preferred to read a real nonfiction book, and not one dressed up as fiction. The book is actually not that bad, but it took me at least halfway through the book before I could forget about how it was supposed to be nonfiction, and just enjoy it.
by Orson Scott Card
ONE LINE SUMMARY: After the Formic War, all of Ender’s army is kidnapped except for Bean, who must rescue them with the help of Ender’s brother.
Although I loved Ender’s Game, and thought Ender’s Shadow was even better, I haven’t gone out of my way to follow the series because there are some powerful, unsettling moments in some of the books. But I saw Shadow of the Giants at the library, and realized I should catch up.
This one is a re-read, but I enjoyed it. It’s nice to be in the hands of a master.
by Lois McMaster Bujold
ONE LINE SUMMARY: Ethan from Athos is sent on a mission to find ovarian cultures for his all-male planet, and runs into Elli Quinn who is on a mission from Miles Vorkosigan.
If I hadn’t been familiar with Miles Vorkosigan already, I probably wouldn’t have missed him. But as it is, Miles makes no personal appearance in this book and his wit is sorely lacking.
The book is still good, but more on Elli’s crush on Miles would be nice to hear about later.
by Peter Abrahams
ONE LINE SUMMARY: Private investigator Nick Petrov is working on a case when he has a cerebral hemorrhage that causes him to lose his memory and attempt to find the case and himself.
This was very good. I wouldn’t call it “pulse-pounding” as the blurb on the front cover says, but it was well-written and the characters were likable.
Although I kind of figured out who the real killer was early on, and some details were left out of the conclusion, the reason this book is so interesting is because of Nick’s reaquaintance with the self hs used to be.
This is one of those books I wished would go on longer; not necessarily for more plot details, but just to find out what happens to all the characters and what their futures hold.
Around 9 PM last night, the doorbell rang.
This is never a good thing to hear when you live on a street where almost every household contains kids who have to be in bed earlier than the sun sets in the summertime. Hardly anyone leaves on an exterior light, and ours would have been off, too, except that we actually had a guest in the house: Taro, Chris’s fencing friend whom we last saw in May and since then has found a new job, a new girlfriend and sort of owns a house now.
When the doorbell rang, Chris and I looked at each other, puzzled. No one we knew would have arrived unexpectedly or that late at night, and I glanced outside through the window behind the couch where I was sitting. The guy standing outside saw me looking and waved at me, but I couldn’t see him clearly enough to tell if I knew him.
Chris got up and went to the front door, while the dogs commenced barking furiously. Flacko, in fact, was so disturbed by the lateness of the arrival that he leaped over the wall separating him from the front entrance and tried to slip outside to get a better angle to bark at the person. I had to lure him back with promises of treats, but in retrospect, I probably should have just let him chase the newcomer right off our property.
While I talked to Taro, Chris was busy at the door. A friend would have been invited inside by now, but Chris was taking too long for even a stranger. When he finally turned away from the door, he motioned at me.
“This guy wants to sell magazines and I said he had to talk to you because you’re the one who reads them,” he said.
“I don’t want to talk to anyone! Is this some kind of solicitation? Why can’t you get rid of him?”
“I tried to tell him we had company, but he keeps talking,” Chris said sheepishly. “I guess I”m just too weak.”
“I get rid of so many telemarketers for you, and you can’t even tell this guy to get lost?” I said. I stomped over to the door and opened it.
Insects flew closer to me, attracted by all the lights. A high school kid was standing on the front steps.
“Hi there,” he said. “I’m trying to get a savings bond for college, and I only need two more people to buy from me to qualify. All you have to do is sign up for a magazine and that would really help me out.”
He waved a laminated badge at me. I caught the mention of some kind of First Amendment group, and that the undersigned, pictured below and described as follows (”hair color: brown; weight: 120 pounds; eye color: brown” — apparently this First Amendment group was worried about imposters), had been selected to receive a $15,000.00 savings bond for college.
“Your husband said you read Reader’s Digest,” he went on. “You could just renew, and that would really help me. And I’d give you a big hug.”
The kid wasn’t bad looking, but there was something about his attitude that was really bugging me. First of all, I’ve never been a big fan of kids who ask other people to pay for their college. It’s one thing if your parents volunteer to pay for college (and preparing financially for your kid to go to college is something that I think every person needs to consider before having a kid), but to ask complete strangers? Hello, if you’re that hard up for money, try GETTING A JOB first. Second of all, it was freaking 9 PM on a weeknight and we had company.
“I actually have my subscription to Reader’s Digest until the year 2009,” I said.
He was taken aback, but only for a few seconds. The kid had obviously coasted by far too long on what someone had told him was charm and good looks. “Well, what else do you read?” he said, undeterred.
“Entertainment Weekly…” I said, flipping through his pamphlet of magazines. The titles were listed on the left, but some were crossed out in pen with no explanation, and three columns of varying prices were listed, also without explanation. “But it’s not listed here.”
“Well, what is that, like a TV Guide thing with TV listings?” he said.
Now he was begging for money, soliciting late at night, AND had clearly never read anything that didn’t involve bad voiceovers for pixellated characters carrying guns.
“No, it’s an entertainment magazine,” I explained slowly. “Entertainment Weekly…entertainment. A little like US Weekly or People Magazine,” I said. “Which is also not in here.”
“Well, your husband said you read Newsweek,” he went on. “What about that? You could renew and help me with my points. I just need some more points from two more people. And I’d give you a big hug!”
Good lord, no wonder my husband had been talking to this kid for so long–he’d been busy telling him everything about me. Apparently he’d neglected to mention that I have a severe hatred of people who call me on the phone or show up at my home to try to sell me things I don’t want or need. I also wondered whether the kid had given my husband the “give you a big hug!” line, and decided that the kid had just enough balls and greed to be an equal opportunity hugger. This kid would hit on anything that would buy from him.
“I get Newsweek through my frequent flyer miles,” I said. “I don’t pay for it.” I glanced through his booklet. “Also, there are two Newsweeks listed here with two different sets of prices. What does that mean?”
He looked at where I was pointing. “Well, sometimes they have different terms…like how many issues.”
“But both of these say 53 issues,” I pointed out. I had the advantage; I could read.
“Well, it’s about the points; you can give me more points if you want.”
“I don’t think so,” I said.
“What about kids, do you have any kids? Maybe you could get something for them.”
“We don’t have kids,” I said. I wanted to say, “And you’re the major reason why,” but he cut me off.
“Ah, you’re smart,” he said, nodding sagely at me with all the wisdom of a 17 year old jock who hasn’t yet realized he’ll never play in the Superbowl.
I handed the booklet back to him. “I really subscribe to too many magazines as it is, and this doesn’t have any of the ones I’m interested in.”
“We have another offer,” he said. “You can get $500 to use at any grocery store! Do you go to Super Stop and Shop?”
Although I knew I shouldn’t, I nodded my head.
“Well, you can just go there, and use the $500.” He pulled out an order form and started filling it out.
“How does it work?” I asked. I knew there was a catch.
“Hold on, let me fix this.” He diligently scratched at his order form, then held it out to me. He’d written $24.95 in the corner, broken down into $10.50 and $14.45.
“See, this is what you pay me today,” he said, pointing at the $10.50. I noticed that he’d added “service fees” to the total. “Don’t worry about paying me the whole amount; you can pay that later. You’re honest, right?”
“Yes, I am,” I said.
“Well, that’s an honest answer,” he said happily.
I wanted to point out that a lying answer would have been the same, but I felt that explaining the nuances of this would take up more time than I had already wasted.
“So would I get a coupon book, or what?” I asked. So far $500 for $24.95 sounded good, but I knew there was more he wasn’t telling me.
“Yes, you just fill it out whenever, for $10 at a time.”
Ah-ha!! Now we were getting somewhere.
“And do I have to use this up in a year?” I asked.
“Yes.”
“So basically, that’s, what, 50 trips a year to the grocery store?”
“Yes.”
I gave back the order form. “We don’t have kids,” I reminded him. “There’s no way we would go to the store that many times.”
“But you’d really be helping me out,” he said. “And I’d give you a great big hug!”
“Thanks, but we just can’t do it. Sorry.”
I shut the door. By now fifteen minutes of my life had gone by, and in the immortal words of Henry Rollins, I wanted my @$%*ing time back.
Chris and Taro had disappeared from the living room, presumably so Chris wouldn’t have to compound his guilt at abandoning me to the solicitor who had too many hugs and not enough huggees.
“Christopher!” I yelled. “You are in BIG trouble!”
If I couldn’t have my fifteen minutes back, I was certainly going to take fifteen minutes of Chris’s life with me.
by Robert T. Sharpt, D.V.M.
ONE LINE SUMMARY: A country vet shares stories from his practice.
This is a fast and easy read. The stories are moderately interesting, but not really connected. Also, the author doesn’t really have the skill to write believable dialogue.
I was also suspicious that the best the publisher could do for a blurb from a famous person was one from an author of organization and housework books. Not really someone whose opinion I would value on a book about animals.
I went to the library today to return a few magazines and books that were due. Sadly, none of the books on my “To Read” list were available, so I read a few magazines while I waited for the librarians to check in the items I’d returned.
I’ve had a few problems with a certain worker in the library, who once put a book I’d returned on a cart for re-shelving without bothering to check it back in. I’ve also had some other problems with returning books only to find out, days later, that no one ever checked the books back in and it was essentially my word against theirs. So now I skulk around the library and covertly check my account in the computer system, over and over again, until I see that all my books are marked as being returned.
Since the problem worker was on duty today, I didn’t want to leave the library until all my items were in the system as returned. After I finished an issue of Consumer Reports and another issue of Time Magazine, I wandered around the new CDs.
I eyed Rilo Kiley, which I’d heard about, but decided not to borrow it since I couldn’t remember what I’d actually heard. There was also a new Aimee Mann CD which I picked up. I had listened to some of the new songs on her website a while ago and not been terribly taken with them, but for free, I was willing to give them another shot. Then I saw a new CD by The Mountain Goats. Now I was impressed. I didn’t know who was buying the CDs for the library, but The Mountain Goats? Pretty obscure for a library of this size.
I picked up the CDs and after looking up my account in the system and finding all my items marked as returned, I checked them out along with a kids’ DVD of songs by They Might Be Giants.
Once in the car, I popped in the Mountain Goats CD and listened to the first three songs on my drive home. Not bad–maybe I’d listen to the rest on my computer while I downloaded the latest doggie pictures from our digital camera.
I put the CD into the D drive of my computer. I hadn’t used the CD drive in a while, but I dimly seemed to remember that music CDs would start themselves once they were loaded. Nothing happened.
I opened up RealPlayer. A barrage of ads hit me, and it took me a while to find a button to press that would allow me to play the CD. I clicked on “Play CD” and more nothing continued to happen.
Now it was time to bring in Tech Support.
I IM’d Chris.
taterjane: i just want to play a cd in the computer, why is this so freaking hard?!
Cjay: What happens when you pop it in?
taterjane: nothing
Cjay: nothing at all… hmm that’s odd, at least windows media player should take over…
Cjay: Try launching WMP
In my usual way, I was busy doing two other things while ignoring everything Chris was saying. I looked for Sonique on my computer, which I had used successfully to play mp3s in the past. It wasn’t under Programs, or under the Start button. I hit the Desktop button. Nothing happened. Wait–there it went. And there was Sonique. I opened up the program, cleared my playlist, and tried to open the CD.
taterjane: now i’m trying to use sonique and it just keeps saying: please insert disk into drive. It’s already in there…
It occurred to me that I should spend some time looking into the advice Chris had given me, instead of sending a barrage of questions and complaints to him without reading any of his responses. Hastily, I typed:
taterjane: i got to look for windows media player
to explain why I’d just jumped to my own program instead of following his advice.
Cjay: hmm, perhaps drive is not being recognized… check windows explorer and make sure drive is listed…
Coincidentally, I happened to open up Windows Explorer as Chris’s message came over. According to Windows Explorer, I had no CD in the drive. I popped open the drive and pushed the CD around in the slot, and closed the drive again.
Sonique was still open, and suddenly music began playing. But according to Sonique, it wasn’t playing anything.
taterjane: i popped it out and put it back in and now it’s playing but i have no idea what it’s using to play!!
The CD was playing from the beginning, but I wanted to start on Track 4, where I’d left off. If I couldn’t find the program playing it, how was I supposed to know how to advance the tracks?
taterjane: i don’t know how to forward it…
Cjay: forward?
taterjane: skip tracks
I double-clicked on the CD drive in Windows Explorer. Windows Media Player opened.
taterjane: oh i guess it’s using wmp
Cjay: Oh, hmm… look in the tool tray, maybe the player is there
taterjane: nope nothing in tool tray. this is very curious
Oddly, Windows Media Player also denied all knowledge of the CD being played. It was willing to play it, but gave me an error message: THIS FORMAT NOT SUPPORTED.
taterjane: nope, windows wants to play it but isn’t currently playing it. So what… is playing?
Cjay: how odd
Cjay: look on the DVD drive itself, sometimes they have skip buttons on them
My computer tower is located far to the right, and I can’t see any of the buttons on the front of it. I randomly pushed a few buttons by the CD drive. The song stopped and a new one started up.
taterjane: well, it did something. This is retarded
taterjane: wmp says it can’t play it.
By now, I was sick of my computer. I had no idea what track was playing or what program was playing it, and I just wanted it all to stop. But how to stop it?
taterjane: can i just eject to stop?
Cjay: just, eject away
Now I remember why I only listen to CDs in the car.