Paco the Taco
I love Paco…
More than a taco
Wish he weren’t so fat though
Still kind of rhymes oh
Christopher composed the above poem in honor of little Paco, who is at the vet’s office today getting the mass on his ass removed. Poor Paco; in the last few weeks he’s had his little bum poked and prodded repeatedly. On the best of days, Paco hates having any area even remotely near his butt touched. This includes his tail, the part of his back in front of the tail, the nether regions below the butt, and all of his feet. But admittedly, the foot issue is probably unrelated to his butt complex.
A few weeks ago, Chris was bathing the dogs. As complicated as my system for feeding the dog is, Chris has an equally complicated system for bathing the dogs. The system is so illogical to me that I have given up entirely and now Chris bathes the dogs by himself.
Which is good, because his system involves him stripping off his clothes and jumping in the shower with all three dogs. There isn’t room in our single stall shower for Chris, me, AND 3 wet and miserable chihuahuas.
Incidentally, should anyone from PETA be reading, rest assured that no animal is harmed during this process, save for the animal’s dignity.
After scrubbing and rinsing the dogs, Chris boots them out individually to me where I dry them. The drying process is about all I can take, and involves running around the bathroom trying to catch the dog before he or she shakes off all the water onto me. Once I’ve captured the dog, usually Stanley tries to bite me, Paco tries to play with the towel, and Mina does her best Slinky impersonation to squiggle out of the towel and away from me.
Prior to the last Bath Event, I had advised Chris that Paco’s ass stunk like ass, and asked Chris to make super certain sure that there were no unsightly dingleberries near Paco’s butt. So during the bath, Chris carefully lifted Paco’s tail to spray water under there.
“There’s something kind of bumpy here,” he yelled out to me. “I’m going to need your help.”
While Chris held up Paco, I lifted Paco’s tail and checked things out.
“Ew! There’s some weird gray lump. Is it a tick?” I asked Chris.
Chris examined the area. “I’m not sure.”
After both Chris and Paco had exited their shower, I held the screaming Paco while Chris poked and prodded the bump on Paco’s butt with the tick tweezers.
“It’s not hard like a tick,” he reported. “I think it’s a skin thing. You better bring him in to the vet on Monday.”
Naturally, I couldn’t wait that long. A few hours later that same day, Chris and I were at the emergency vet, and Paco was being dragged off with a vet tech. Even after he’d been brought to the back exam room, we could hear Paco yelling indignantly from the waiting room.
The veterinarian eventually came out.
“Well, it’s good to see a relatively healthy pet for once! How in the world did you see this?”
We explained the bath story, and the vet nodded.
“Well, it’s basically some kind of tumor or mass, and it has to be excised in order to biopsy it. It could be cancer, but it could also be benign. I didn’t feel anything in his rectum, although he certainly had a lot of feces in there.”
Ah, there’s our boy!! Who’s mommy’s little feces-retainer?!???
She advised us to consult our regular vet and get a blood test, x-ray (to see if any cancer had spread), and biopsy done.
On Tuesday, I went to see Paco’s regular vet.
“How in the world did you see this?” she asked.
Again, the bath story.
“Well, it’s probably not anything serious, but we won’t know until we remove it.”
Once again, Paco’s butt was poked and prodded, and I made an appointment for his biopsy for today.
Today Paco clearly remembered the vet’s office. I brought him out of the car and put him on the ground. He tried to walk away, so I had to pick him up and carry him into the vet, where the vet tech had to drag him by the leash into the exam room.
This time Paco didn’t even bother screaming. Resigned to his fate, he simply gave me the Look as he slid away from me. You know the Look. This is the Look that says oh-so-clearly, “There are going to be little presents left for you tonight where you least expect it.”
Posted by: ssjane | May 31, 2006 | 2:25 pm
Posted in: Dogs | Comments Off