Reasons Why I Will Be Glad To Get Out of This Town

1. We pay $7,000.00 in property taxes. For this we get:
   • A rinky-dink house half the size of our last house, which had annual taxes of $3,000.00;
   • No trash pickup, and an additional fee of over $200 for the privilege of driving 15 minutes to the local dump which no longer includes wood or electronic disposal and also has put the superintendant of the dump on full paid “leave” for one year (for, among other things, dumping his construction trash (illegal) from his house in a different town (also illegal) at our town dump) until they officially get rid of him; and,
   • A massive construction project involving new left-turn lanes and traffic lights with left-turn signals at a busy intersection in town, which are then not utilized for the next two years (I have yet to see them use the left-turn signals at that intersection).

2. Our mailman has problems seeing. We regularly get our neighbors’ mail and I have to trot up and down the street delivering it, and in the meantime unknown quantities of our own mail never shows up, or in the case of one particular Newsweek issue, shows up 3 or 4 issues later with no explanation. The mailman cannot be fired for doing a bad job; only for stealing mail. I have inquired.
3. We also have a proliferative rabbit population, until winter when we subsequently get coyotes. Additionally, a family of wild turkeys lives in the neighborhood. This would be great for hunters, but unfortunately they do not allow hunters on this street.
4. We spend $50 a year on Halloween candy, and for that luxury we receive 300 children/teenagers ringing our doorbell constantly from 5:00 that night to 10:00 that night, often wearing their regular clothes claiming to be dressed as a “boy” or a “girl,” and lingering menacingly on your front lawn should you have the misfortune of temporarily running out of candy because you didn’t expect 300 freaking kids to swarm over your house. The majority of all the children, regardless of costume or lack thereof, will decline to say “trick or treat” or “thank you.”
5. Teenagers ring your doorbell throughout the year, trying to get you to pay for their college educations. In exchange for this, you get a 1 year subscription to a magazine at an overinflated price or simply nothing at all. Because teenagers, you see, expect people to give them things for free.
6. Dogs poop willy-nilly on your lawn. Apparently it is too much effort for most people to pick up after their dogs. In which case they should keep a wild turkey as a pet.

Posted by: ssjane | August 18, 2006 | 6:36 am
Posted in: Bits