Life in the Suburban Wilderness

Earlier today I poured a kettle of boiling water over a portion of our yard that has been taken over by giant ants.

I had tried stubbing out the anthills with my foot yesterday when I took the dogs out. That had ended badly when one of the ants ran up my denim-covered leg. I flicked it off, but I must have missed because suddenly I felt something moving around IN my pants!

I hopped from one foot to another, trying to shake out the ant, and then eventually raced into the garage.

“Get in, let’s go inside!” I yelled to the dogs.

Stanley and Paco followed me inside, watching me curiously as I did my Ant Dance in the garage.

Mina, of course, was immune to my pleadings, and she s - l- o- w- l - y walked toward the garage door. I wanted to tear off my pants, but if any neighbors walked outside, they’d see me in my underwear since I couldn’t shut the door until Mina came into the garage.

When she finally reached the garage, I slammed the door shut behind her, and herded all the dogs from the garage and into the house. Even as they were walking inside, I was already taking off my jeans and shaking them furiously.

I didn’t see anything fall out, but now the jeans were tainted, so I tossed them into the clothes hamper in the bathroom and changed to shorts.

Later that day, I found the ant scurrying around in the bathroom, and I squashed it.

Since stomping the ants with my feet was no longer an option, I went with the boiling water method today. A full kettle of hot water wasn’t even enough to hit all the anthills, so I resigned myself to splashing the majority of them, creating a faintly steaming pile of dirt. Meanwhile, a bee or a yellowjacket tried to kill me as I was killing the ants. The circle of life, in the suburbs.

Posted by: ssjane | June 7, 2007 | 3:27 pm
Posted in: This Life