I Have Successfully Defeated Technology!!

Many of you who know me (well, really only Craig) who have texted me (Craig again) know that I hate when people send text messages to my cell phone (hey, Craig, remember that time when you texted me by accident and I was standing less than two feet away from you? And that other time you texted me, but on purpose? You still owe me thirty cents for those texts, buddy).

This is why I hate text messaging:

1. It costs me 15 cents to receive a text. I am already paying for a cell phone which gives me constant access to people — well, except for when I’m driving through a no-service area, and except for when there is so much static on the phone that I can’t hear what the other person is saying. So before you companies get all busy implementing Internet surfing, picture taking, text and emailing capabilities on every wireless phone in the world, why don’t you work on making a phone that will actually let me talk to someone without screaming?
    
2. What’s so important that you have to text me about, anyway? Either pick up the phone and call me to tell me what you want, or if you’re in a place where you can’t talk, call me when you CAN talk. Or email me when you get back to a computer, if you really can’t stand interacting with a live person.
    
3. If you really, really, want to text me, then text me at a landline. Did you know that people on regular, non-cell phones can receive texts FREE? And have it read aloud to them in neutral, robotically polite voices?! This is a promising advance in technology, and I only wish more texters took advantage of it.

Sometimes text messaging is invaluable — and here I’m thinking specifically about September 11 — but most texts consist of messages that could easily have waited hours or days to be delivered, or contain questions which require an immediate answer, and now you have to pick up the phone and call the person back. It is, in short, the lazy person’s way of putting the ball in your court.

A few weeks ago, Chris received a text message. The message, in its entirety, was: “We are going to Minado for lunch. What dishes do you recommend?”

The message almost sounded like it might have actually been meant for him. We live close to Minado and have eaten there frequently. But Chris didn’t recognize the phone number on the caller ID, and when he tried calling it back, all he got was a generic voicemail greeting.

This is irritating because not only did we pay 15 cents for a strange text message and had no way to get in touch with the caller, but the caller appeared to be mildly retarded. Why would you text someone a few minutes before noon to ask about lunch dishes? Do you think we are a dietary version of MovieFone, available at all hours and times to answer your food-related questions?

And hello, Minado is an all-you-can-eat buffet. We don’t recommend dishes at a buffet. We go out there and try everything that looks good to us, whether we know what it is or not, and you should too. If you don’t, then perhaps an all-you-can-eat buffet is not the place for you.

The final straw fell today when I received a text message. I was sitting beside my cell phone when it suddenly began beeping at me.

I picked up the phone and saw that I had received a text message. I could not tell who it was from, so I opened it. Usually I just delete texts right away, but I hadn’t received a text in so long that I couldn’t remember how to do it. Press a few buttons on my cell and it automatically takes you to the text message, so before I knew it, I was engrossed in reading a telenovela of a text message:

“FELICIDADES” Ganaste un TOYOTA HILUX mod. 2007 y $ 15,000 gracias a Telemovil y interacel internacional comunicate a ext. 01150251708906

Whew! I didn’t know what that all meant, but obviously, it was part of some kind of continued story. This segment had clearly been sent to entice me into subscribing to the entire series, which involved, perhaps, a canasta player whose Toyota had broken down despite being a model 2007 car, and thus she had been blackmailed into giving $15,000 to an international cartel who had pretended to want to film the treachery of her Toyota but was now ominously only reachable at 01150251708906.

Fascinating though this was, I decided it was not worth 15 cents of my money to continue to receive each chapter, and I called customer service.

I had asked about blocking texts before, but was told this was impossible. Today, however, it was apparently not only possible but free!

I can no longer send text messages, but I can also no longer receive them. The burden of each 15 cent text is slowly being lifted from me. But if anyone gets Part 2 of that telenovela, email it to me!

Posted by: ssjane | August 24, 2007 | 12:18 pm
Posted in: This Life