My Identical Invisible Twin is the Source of My Spam

Today I have had a most hideous day, in which I learned that justice in this country means that a realtor who embezzled your deposit money (for a house that you did not buy because she forged your initials on a purchase and sales agreement) can declare bankruptcy, never has to pay you back, and gets to return to her work-free, rent-free existence (courtesy of her mother who supports her) after having spent your hard-earned money on things that were far more important than a house we’d been saving for; namely, her Victoria’s Secret bills.

But I digress. Today’s post is about spam mail, not sociopathic ex-realtors.

I don’t have an employer-specific email address because I’m a contractor, so I use a free Gmail account. Sure, Gmail’s occasionally tardy with emails, but the spam filter works great and I haven’t had any major issues, especially since I never use this email address for anything but work.

Apparently, though, the spam filter doesn’t work so great on people who deliberately send you email, even though it’s a version of you that you don’t know.

Today’s spam was addressed to a total of three people, including me. All three people were named by first and last name. Rather surprisingly, my first and last name were spelled correctly. I’ll be honest; there are people I’ve known for years and see regularly, and just last week I got an email from one of them and my last name was spelled wrong. This email was from a stranger and read as follows:

Please join us for a BFW post partum brunch potluck, held at Center Space, 420 SE 6th Ave between Stark and Oak, from 9:30 -11:30am on Sunday, November 11th.
Bring your lovely little one(s), a yummy treat to share, and your stories of life as a new parent in Portland!

We look forward to seeing you on the 11th.

Bright Blessings,
Nicole Sanson-Frey & the Moving Through Team

–
Nicole Sanson-Frey
Birth Doula, Prenatal Yoga Instructor, Birthing From Within Childbirth Mentor
movingthrough@gmail.com
www.movingthrough.com

I was a bit surprised to receive this, given that:

1. I do not have children.
2. I have no plans to have children.
3. If I do change my mind, Portland will still be too far for me to attend prenatal classes.
4. (Regardless of whether we’re talking about Maine, Oregon, or an entirely different state.)
5. (And now that I think about it, I probably would never attend a post partum potluck brunch anyway.)

Perhaps the saddest part was that this was not my first email from Nicole Sanson-Frey. About a year ago I got a message from her, and I remember this because how many post partum brunches do YOU get invited to by name? Imagine if you got a penis enlargement solicitation that ended with, “…and we mean you, [your name here].”

Anyway, when I received her first email, I wrote back politely and said I did not know her and that I was not pregnant nor had I given birth recently. And also, I did not live anywhere near her facility. She apologized and said she would remove me from the list.

After today’s email, I was more irritated. I mean, it’s not like she had a huge email list and had forgotten to remove my name — there were only TWO others on the list.

I still had no idea how she’d gotten my name, and so I came to the only conclusion possible: clearly, I had a doppelganger who was intent on using my email address for evil. And post partum potluck brunches.

I thought about a Magnetic Fields song I’d listened to recently, I Wish I Had An Evil Twin*, in which Stephin Merrit sings wistfully, “All my life there should have been an evil twin.”

I had one, and she came with…children.

*For the more computer-illiterate among you, wait until the screen completely loads and then click on the arrow to the right of “I Wish I Had An Evil Twin.”

Posted by: ssjane | October 24, 2007 | 11:34 pm
Posted in: Bits