How Stanley and I Spent Our Nights While Christopher Was Away

11:00 PM
Last call. All the dogs and I go out into the bitter cold. They pee while I watch to be sure they don’t escape the fence in pursuit of the very, very stupid bunny who continues to try to have babies in the dog yard only to forsake them when they begin to smell like Stanley, thus leading to sleepless tear-filled nights after I discover the very, very dead babies.

11:10 PM
Dogs run upstairs to their bedroom. Mina gets into her portable pet home, sticking her head out of the entrance periodically to be sure I haven’t forgotten about her, and Paco runs to the papasan, jumps up, jumps down, runs to the door, runs back to the papasan, and in general is more active than he has been all day. Stanley leaps into the purple sack and hides. I dispense treats, close the light, and shut their bedroom door.

11:15 PM
I brush my teeth with my Philips Sonicare brush, trying to keep the toothpaste foam from shooting onto the bathroom mirror while simultaneously reading a book. Two minutes, it turns out, is a very long period of time to be brushing your teeth unless you have come prepared with reading material. Stanley begins to scrape at the dog door.

11:17 PM
I let Stanley out of the dog room. He stands by my feet while I finish in the bathroom. He quivers and shakes and generally looks as though he is being abused, even though the bathroom door is open and he is free to wander as he pleases. Apparently I am taking too long for him, because he begins to scrape at the carpet at the stairs, turns multiple times, and finally lies down with a heavy sigh.

11:25 PM
I go upstairs to bed. I shut the door firmly in Stanley’s face. I get into bed and start playing Sudoku on Chris’s DS Lite.

11:27 PM
Stanley scrapes at the door. He whines. I Sudoku.

12:30 AM
Stanley is still intermittently whining and scraping. Sudoku numbers are beginning to blur in front of my eyes, and I find myself fading into pleasant dreams wherein little numbers, dressed as French soldiers, march briskly about and fall into line in the correct positions. I get up to go to the bathroom again.

12:40 AM
I attempt to convince Stanley that the crate is not a bad place to sleep. He does not fall for this trick. I attempt to convince him that what he really wants to do is go outside to pee and then sleep in the family room. This is unacceptable to him.

1:00 AM
Desperate to get some sleep before the night is over, I drag a dog bed and blanket into my bedroom. Stanley hops into the bed. I get into my own bed.

1:25 AM
I lie awake listening to Stanley’s toenails click against the floor as he trots around my bed. He stops every time he gets to my side, and puts his paws up on the bed, trying to telepathically convince me to pick him up and put him in my bed.

2:00 AM
Stanley finally settles into bed. I am now wide awake. Come back, little French Sudoku soldiers!

6:45 AM
Stanley wakes up and demands to be taken outside to pee. Apparently, when you spend most of the night whining, you really fill up your bladder.

6:47 AM
I open the dog room door and tell the other dogs to come outside with us. Paco falls out of bed, still half-asleep and yawning. Mina stays in bed until I whip off the covers and then she gives me a look that says, “What the fuck? It’s the middle of the night!” I pick her up and carry her outside.

7:00 AM
I try to go back to sleep. Stanley whines outside my door. When he finally stops, Mina starts barking at me.

8:54 AM
I get up. I work. I watch the dogs sleep all around my feet. I wonder how long it will take Chris to get home.

Posted by: ssjane | February 12, 2008 | 2:44 pm
Posted in: Dogs