When I woke up with a headache last week, I was tired and grumpy and felt like I had a hangover. I’m almost always tired and grumpy, so I didn’t care about that part, but the headache and hangover were new and undoubtedly caused by spending the previous few days playing in a rock band.
I tried to watch an episode of Oprah a few years ago and had to turn off the TV when I became too disturbed by the cheering and whooping of the audience. They were all, “You go, girl!” and I was all, “Shut up so I can hear how to buy bras!”
10:30 pm: I turn on the Tivo and cue up tonight’s episode of “How I Met Your Mother.” Just as I hit play, someone calls Chris on Skype.
10:32 pm: I stop to put on headphones. I can still hear Chris talking to his friend about some computer game.
10:33 pm: I hit pause on the Tivo, and realize that blogging a half-hour tv show will take me hours, if I have to hit pause every few minutes to write down something on the computer. I decide to switch to AIM and IM Chris my very deep thoughts so that I can simply copy my chat history. Lest you think I am being an unkind wife, I warn him ahead of time to ignore everything I type during this half-hour.
Here’s how Britney’s dance for the VMAs was supposed to look.
The dance moves don’t seem that complicated and yet…and yet…Britney couldn’t do most of them. I wish they had just given the stand-in a blonde wig because she danced and lip-synced better than Britney.
That kind of sucks when someone does you better than you do you.
Posted by: ssjane | November 12, 2007 | 11:21 am
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As the years tick by and we watch our friends becoming increasingly wrapped up with their offspring, I find myself fearing the time when I will have to admit that I am an old fogey. Some of you will think, and rightly so, that in some ways I have always been an old fogey, but the old fogeyness to which I am referring is not my natural inclination to yell at the neighbor kids to “keep it down,” but the kind which other people manage to avoid simply by having children who will grow up and one day tell their parent, in all seriousness, that “you are totally uncool.”
Since I will have no children to provide these kinds of helpful hints, I only have myself to keep an eagle eye on my fading coolness. So in an effort to stave off impending decrepitude, I did the only thing possible. Yes, dear readers, today I watched High School Musical.
Lately I’ve been watching reruns of Frasier. These air on the Lifetime channel, which I vaguely recall from my past as being promoted as the “channel for women.” Now that I’ve watched just over 200 episodes of Frasier, I can tell you what this means.
As judged by the ads that air between the Frasier episodes, women are apparently interested in death, affairs with some very bad men, and mistaken identities.
I have never watched a Lifetime Original (or otherwise) Movie, but the ads have proven to be an eye-opening experience, albeit a very shortened one. None of the ads are ever the same, and watching a new ad is like watching the latest installment of a long-running, serialized show populated with semi-familiar actors and conflicts that will undoubtedly require a lot of talking to resolve.
An early “episode” starred Jennifer Love Hewitt, who played a doctor or nurse or physician’s assistant who suddenly learned the value of life from an old patient who was dying.
Another one featured a teenager who got married to her high school sweetheart (no, she wasn’t pregnant) and surprisingly, found out married life was not that nice when her husband finally realized he was 18 and there were many, many other women in the world.
Oh, and one recent show had Peter Gallagher (was this post-O.C.? Did he just feel like making some easy money?) in some odd quasi-horror/chick flick in which his loved one is not who he thought and he refused to rest until he figured out what’s going on. During the less than 10 seconds of this ad, I was unable to determine whether his loved one was A) having an affair, B) possessed by a Stephen King-type monster, C) had another life/name/amnesia, or D) was dying, very slowly.
But the worst Lifetime ad I have ever seen was today, in the middle of a Frasier episode in which Niles and Daphne get married twice. It is possible that they would have gotten married even more times before the episode ended, but I had to turn off the TV after watching this ad.
Today’s installment of “Crazy Ladies or Crazy Sensitive Men Who Are Dead, Dying, Or Someone Else Entirely” starred Amber Tamblyn. She was playing a high school kid who hangs out with a bunch of other high school kids and they all get together and … have orgies.
My high school was just like that, wasn’t yours?
The ad showed 4 couples, all dressed, but all making out and lying down in the same room. I mean, no one was having sex with more than one person at a time, but the ad was pretty clear that the actual partners did not matter and that the high schoolers swapped partners all the time.
The twist in the story, though, is that Amber Tamblyn wants to date one guy. Just ONE guy…and no more orgies. Naturally, she is perceived as a Freak.
I had so many questions. The guy she had decided was the Chosen One spoke ominously, just before the ad ended. “If you were the last girl on earth and I was the last guy…” How would his sentence end? How would this be resolved? Would she be forced to make group love forever? And how many more crazy plots would Lifetime come up with? I had two more seasons of Frasier to find out.
Posted by: ssjane | September 27, 2007 | 2:48 pm
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A quote from Angelina Jolie (Shiloh is her biological daughter with Brad Pitt):
Shiloh seemed so privileged from the moment she was born. I have less inclination to feel for her.
It’s great that Angelina is adopting children of various ages and races, but they’re still very young children — how much have they really suffered so far, that they’ll remember as adults? Come on, Angelina, just adopt a 45-year-old man from Africa. Then you’ll really be making a difference in someone’s life.
Posted by: ssjane | July 9, 2007 | 2:45 pm
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It is so hot today that when I got up at 8AM to take the dogs outside, I was sweating. And all I was doing was standing still.
I have been watching Flight of the Conchords videos on Youtube today. I don’t have HBO, so I can’t watch their new show. I had never heard of them before, but I laughed out loud when I watched The Humans are Dead.
Interestingly, Bret McKenzie, the Conchord on the right of the videos, played “Figwit” the Elf in Lord of the Rings.
From an article in the Boston Globe on how circumcision rates have fallen.
Many parents fear their boys would feel awkward in the locker room if they were not circumcised.
“I like the idea of him looking like his dad — that’s the most important thing for me,” said Denise Milito Stockwell, 40, an artist in Chicago who had her 15-month-old son, Harlan, circumcised. “It wasn’t traumatic for him in any way. He came back from the event sleeping.”
Um…how often do you look at your husband’s and your son’s naked penises at the same time? And if you’re not looking at them at the same time, are you looking at your son’s penis and thinking fondly how much it looks like Dad’s? Because while I don’t have kids, I gotta say that sounds pretty weird and just the tiniest bit sick.
Posted by: ssjane | June 18, 2007 | 4:03 pm
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