Nude is the New Black

The Chi Gang rarely received mail, and although they had long suspected that the mailman was delivering their pet catalogs to the labragoldendoodly dog two doors down, they had no proof. Consequently they were deeply surprised when a package arrived for them one day.

Evidently their Great-Aunt Sue wanted to commemorate the date that the pups had finally been legitimatized — or as their human parents referred to it, their “wedding anniversary.”

Great-Aunt Sue had sent some lovely sweaters. These were greatly appreciated, given that only so many dogs could fit in front of the heat vent at one time, but then they were told that they actually had to put on the sweaters to get some use out of them.

Before they could stop to say, “Hey, I’m not that cold after all,” all three of them were squashed into their sweaters (Mister Stanley, in particular, did not go willingly). If that wasn’t bad enough, they were then forced to display their humiliation in front of a camera.

Paco showed his traitorous side immediately. Instead of uniting with the gang to enforce a camera-free zone, he crossed the picket line. All it took was the appearance of some treats.

In fact, now that Mina and Stanley were thinking about it, Paco had started licking his lips before the treats were even out of the bag. SCAB! SCAB! SCAB!

While his brethren watched in undisguised shame, Paco flung himself into the down position, begging for treats.

Mina and Stanley were unable to comprehend this behavior. Did this dog have no dignity? Did he not have the faintest whiff of self-esteem?

Paco was unmoved. Did THEY not realize he had been on an excruciating diet for the last year and a half? Every dog had its day, and this was gosh-darned going to be his.

Mina vowed to get her revenge. Paco had sullied the reputation of the Chi Gang, and she was not going to take that lying still. Now if someone would just take this stupid sweater off her, she would be able to use her legs again and really show Paco how real dogs behaved.