Meet the Chis

	Subject: Mina AKA: Mina Beana, Mina Bean, The Bean Physical attributes: At a thin 4 to 5 pounds, Mina was once in top fighting condition growing up on the streets of Puerto Rico where she quickly learned that crouching low to hide the white blaze on her chest would be the best way to slink from car to car. Mina is noted for having extraordinary vertical jumping power, though she has not yet mastered the horizontal. Mina is, of course, spayed to keep her boys under command at all times. Habits: Licks her bum. Has nasty breath (cf previous item). Often gets distracted on the way to going somewhere by an itch on her back that requires immediate attention. Hobbles on 3 legs for no apparent reason when scouting the backyard for various goodies. Has selective hearing, a tiny appetite, and will occasionally demand that her human slaves carry her to various locations.
	Subject: Paco AKA: Fatty, Fatty boom-ba-latty, Tubby Bubby, Chubby Bubby, Paco Waco, Mr. P, Pac-Pac, Paco-man, Lil’ P Physical attributes: A member of the castrati, Paco believes in “Eat, for tomorrow there may be less yummy things.” At his greatest, Paco was close to 7 pounds but after an encounter with an extremely rude vet, Paco has now slimmed down to 5.5 pounds. Paco is marked with tan hair and no distinguishing marks, other than being temptingly attractive to small children. Habits: Will attempt to bite small children and the pant legs of taller humans. Licks everyone’s ears, nostrils, legs, feet, and whatever else is uncovered. Raises leg in fear when anything remotely different occurs but will bark fiercely for no particular reason at times.
	Subject: Stanley (previously known as Flacko) AKA: Flack, Stinky, Stanley Pants, Mr. Pants, Stanley F. Pants (Stanley arrived with the name of Flacko, but after a few years, he and Paco become confused as to who was who so Flacko became Stanley) Physical attributes: Stanley is a lean, mean, eating machine. Weighing in at approximately 7 pounds, Flacko has been called a handsome dog by those unfamilar with his habits. Habits: Pees on himself. Likes to bite the hand that feeds him, and will suddenly dart through the house at super-fast speeds for no apparent reason. Prefers to sleep in someone’s crotch, and any crotch will do. Will also run or walk on 3 legs like Agent Mina. Currently on antipsychotics because he is psychotic.
	Subject: Pedro AKA: Pedro Wedro, Skinny, Skinny Minnie, Dro Physical attributes: Pedro followed his brother into the castrati, but remains a svelte 3.8 pounds. With a sabled brown and black coat, Pedro blends inconspiciously with his surroundings. Habits: Suns himself on the windowsill. Loves to lie in laps. Drums front legs excitedly when he senses something good may happen. Pedro died suddenly on May 23, 2001. We will always love and miss him.

Gang Summary

Known collectively as little men, puppies, buppies, bubbies, the boys, this group is led by the ferocious Mina. Prior to the appearance of Mina, Paco and Pedro contented themselves with occasionally squabbling over whose lap they got to sit on, but otherwise existed in harmony. When Miss Mina swaggered in, however, an inital attempt by Paco to hump her was rebuffed with a snarling and resounding negative.

Paco then applied himself to the new strategy of waiting until Mina’s head was turned away, and then cautiously humping the air near her. This proved to be unsuccessful in terms of gaining command of the group, but did wonders to restore his perceived masculinity.

A year and a half after Pedro died, Flacko/Stanley joined the gang. A fierce biter, Stanley had to be taught that perhaps not everyone needed to be bitten, and eventually settled into the group as the youngest, biggest, and most neurotic member.