F.A.Q.

Frequently Asked Questions*
*Mostly made up by me

Q. Why don’t you post more regularly? Sometimes you don’t update the site for weeks, but other times you post 3 times a day.
A. I have something called a life, and this life comes with bills, which need to be paid by money. Unless you give me money, I have to earn it in ways which do not include this website.
 
Q. Why are all your posts about dogs? I don’t like dogs.
A. You are clearly one of those dog-hating people who like to come back to websites they hate to make sure it still sucks. Sometimes you can just go away instead.

And also, I don’t have kids. 
Q. What the fuck kind of website is this?
A. What the fuck kind of retard are you that you don’t know how to click away?
 
Q. Why can’t we comment on your posts? I really want to be the first to post “first!!!”
A. This may come as a surprise, but I really don’t feel a need to read critical comments by people who are emboldened by internet anonymity to say things to complete strangers that their mamas would wash right out of their mouths.
 
Q. Why don’t you have a MySpace/Facebook/LiveJournal page? I want to friend you!
A. How about we just call ourselves friends and skip the official friending?
 
Q. Why are Paris Hilton/Nicole Richie/Lauren Conrad/Lindsay Lohan in all the magazines every issue? I don’t understand why they’re famous.
A. I KNOW! I totally can’t figure it out, either. I think this is why Us Magazine doesn’t publish letters from readers, because 85% of the letters would consist of, “Who are these people who do nothing but party yet get featured prominently in your magazine every week, and how many times do I have to tell you that I don’t care whether Heidi and Spencer are engaged/split up/fighting/being ‘emotionally’ cheated on.”
 
Q. Why are you so mean? You don’t seem to like anyone or anything. You should just be more positive and learn to be grateful for what you have. P.S. You make me sick and should die.
A. Wow, you have totally changed my outlook on life. I am going to call a friend right now and have him design a special unicorn/rainbow background for my new website: The Wonderful Happy-Happy Joy Luck Club of Supersonic Jane and Cuddly Puppies Who Never Shit. Only positive people need apply! (I’m sorry, that would exclude you.)